I graduated with my BFA in creative writing in 1993 when I was 30 years old, after attending college on and off for 13 years while raising my 3 kids (they were 11, 9, and 6 when I finished). 15 years have gone by since then; the kids are mostly grown and 2 also have college degrees while the 3rd is still in progress.
For at least the last 10 years of those 15 years, I’ve been debating with myself – moving 2 steps toward and 3 steps back over and over – whether or not I wanted to go back to get a Master’s degree in anything, and if so what? An MFA? An MA? English? History? Philosophy? Library Science? To be a teacher? To be a librarian?
Several things stopped me. First, until my husband retired from the Air Force in 2003, there was the whole possibility we’d be moving again. Then my kids were all getting started in college. Plus I had depression and anxiety issues I needed to deal with that were seriously holding me back from doing anything. Plus, I still had trouble narrowing in on what I wanted to study or what profession I wanted to pursue. Or if I even wanted to give up my routine of staying home, writing, and art-ing in order to have a grown-up career.
There were other, more tangible, obstacles too. Money is no small issue – college is expensive and we’ve got 3 kids going too. And after all that time being out of school, it seemed insurmountable to obtain the 2 or 3 academic letters of recommendation needed to even apply to a graduate program.
But there are disadvantages to staying home, just as there are disadvantages to having a job, just as there are advantages to both.
I had my 45th birthday yesterday. It’s quite credible that I have another 50 years to live. Do I really want to sit at home the rest of that time, not having any academic contacts, not having the stimulation of new ideas, with no others to talk to about the things that interest me? Or would it be a nice change to have a life?
Like I said the other day, this is my real life. There’s nothing I need to wait for for my real life to begin… my real life is right now. It’s happening. It’s choo-chooing by and I need to get on the train rather than keep waiting at the station for my ship to come in.
(I love mixed metaphors.)
So, the only way to get the academic letters of recommendation is to take a few literature classes as a non-degree student, impress them with my wisdom, make friends and influence people. Once I do that, I can apply to the MA in Literature program.
My middle daughter asked me yesterday what I hoped to accomplish in my 45th year. I didn’t really have a concrete answer for her. I hope to hike part of the Appalachian Trail in July, but even that is iffy – I’m not sure I want to splurge on the ultralight gear necessary to walk 100 miles with everything I need on my back.
But aside from that, I think the real answer of what I want to do accomplish in my 45th year is to set the foundation for having a career and a real life for the next 50 years. That means jumping through all the hoops necessary to get the MA, then teaching English, Writing, and Literature part- or full-time at the community college level.
I think my next blog will be about why literature is fascinating, important, and worthy of study, but I’m done for now. Have a great Memorial Day weekend.