I’ve just updated my Wild Pines website, including adding new photos to the Digital Feathers Bird Compendium pages. 

There will be more photos added in the next few days, but I wanted to get some posted as quickly as possible.

Friday was my last day to employ a trainer, so today when I go to the gym I’ll be on my own for the first time in a while.  I’ve got my workout all planned.  I hope it goes better than yesterday.  You know how some days you just can’t get coordinated no matter what you do? 

Yesterday was one of those days for me.  The energy wouldn’t kick in, the timing of my punches was slow and off-target and hurt me more that it hurt the rubber dummy, and the whole workout was just poopy.

But then, sometimes you have those days where you feel like you could run 100 miles, no matter how much iron you pile on it seems feather-light, and every punch is a square on knock-out blow.

Here’s hoping for one of those days today.

Yesterday my bird-watching season officially began.  Although it was a bit on the chilly side, the weather was sunny and mild and I took my camera on tripod, binoculars, field guide, and notebook out onto the deck and snapped almost 300 new bird (and flower) photos.

Here’s the list of the birds I saw yesterday.  The ones marked with * had their pictures taken as well.  (Others were too far away to get a clear photo, but I saw them with the binoculars.)

*Titmouse
*House Sparrow
*Song Sparrow
*White-Throated Sparrow
Hairy Woodpecker
Vulture
*House Finch
*Cardinal
*Robin
*Grackle
*Blue Jay
*Junco
*Chickadee
Northern Flicker

And here are 3 new photos.  I’m going to put more new photos on the Digital Feathers section of my Wild Pines website, so check over there in a few days to see them.

Titmouse

Blue Jay
 

Daffodil

This is bizarre.

Morbidly Obese Aunt Charged in 2 Year Old’s Death

What is an emotion?

The dictionary defines it like this:
1) an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
2) any of the feeling of joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love, etc.
3) any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate fear, etc, and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.
4) an instance of this.
5) something that causes such a reaction.
[1570-80, <MF esmotion, to set in motion, move the feelings]

These aren’t wrong, but they aren’t really going deep enough for my purposes.

An emotion is a full-body bio-chemical response to a conscious or unconscious thought.

Not every thought provokes an emotional response.  Many thoughts are neutral, or at least should be.  I mean, we’ve all seen people emotionally overreact to thoughts that seemed neutral.  But they responded emotionally because they had information or experiences (possibly obsolete) that, to them, made the situation more serious than we knew.  Sometimes when we discover those additional reasons, we understand their reaction and may even share it.

The old saying, “Time heals all wounds,” is somewhat true — strong emotional reactions to past events do tend to fade over time — but it isn’t absolute.  Some old hurts never heal completely.  When we think of them years later, they still provoke an emotional response.

Often though, it’s not time alone that is doing the healing, it’s gaining new understanding or perspective on the event, i.e. new information or experiences that change the way we think about the situation.

We each have a certain degree of power over our thoughts.  I’m not sure anyone acheives 100% perfect control over all their conscious and unconscious thoughts, but with practice we can ‘change our minds’ about many of the thoughts that provoke emotional responses.  I learned this while in a cognitive behavior therapy group a couple years ago.  We can become more cognizant of our thoughts and thereby interrupt the process that triggers emotional responses that interfere with our enjoyment of life.

By the same token, however, we can provoke within ourselves whatever emotional response we’d like to experience by dredging up thoughts that trigger those emotions.  There are plenty of things in the world, in my own personal experience or in history or in the news, to get sad or mad or glad about.  If I want to feel angry, all I have to do is dwell on some big nasty injustice that has happened.  Then if I want to feel happy again, I can put it out of my mind and think about things that make me happy.

Why would anyone dwell on thoughts that create unpleasant emotions?  Well, if we never had unpleasant emotions, we’d wouldn’t get nearly the number of wonderful inventions that make our life more pleasant.  Necessity isn’t the mother of invention, unhappiness is, and it’s the human desire to avoid unhappiness and make ourselves more comfortable, happy, and satisified with our existence that has sparked such things as indoor plumbing, central heat and air, civil rights, the woman’s right to vote, etc and so forth.

Also, artists of all ilk, but actors in particular using a technique called Method Acting, draw on their own emotional experiences to perform their art. 

In writing, it’s oft-repeated advice that the main character must want something.  Happy, well-pleased characters don’t want anything (and they’re boring to read about); they aren’t feeling anything unpleasant which is spurring them to change or go on their journey.  And content, well-pleased writers might have a harder time depicting their character’s discontent on the page without dredging up at least a little of the discontent within themselves.

And some of us do better dredging up a little angry energy as motivation to write in the first place.  After all, a happy contented writer may feel no need to create anything.  She’s happy and content sitting back with her feet up.  A little bit of angry energy (or fear, or sadness, take your pick of emotions) gives her something to say, a reason to move, and somewhere to go with it.

Now, I’m off to think about something really un-happying so I finish my collage.

Ok, so where did we leave off yesterday?

Oh yeah.  Jesus got mad because he was hungry and didn’t get his needs met, because he saw what he believed to be injustices going on, and because no one understood what he was trying to say.

So, is Jesus an acceptable model for our behavior or not?  Was he too closely identified with his ego?  Was he not enlightened enough?

Can I get an amen?

Our anger helps us to stand up for ourselves and others when we don’t get our needs met, when anything we deem unfair is happening, or when we cannot make ourselves understood.   Being sad is an important emotion too.  So is feeling happy, or afraid, or any other emotion.  The whole emotional spectrum is an important part of a healthy psychological make-up.

Ok – so, now that I’ve said my piece on all that….

Back to the original question:  How is anger positive?

Feeling my anger instead of repressing it is positive because by doing so I am acknowledging rather than denying that injustices were done, or are being done, to me (or my loved ones), or I am standing up for my own needs.  Repressing and denying leads to my being stuck in sadness, depression, addiction, helplessness, insecurity, and victim-hood. 

Being in touch with my anger gives me the assertiveness, and the defiance, to stand up to the bullies who have tried to control what I said or did or felt or believed, who have shamed me for having feelings they deemed inappropriate or that they couldn’t handle, who have lied to me, manipulated me, broken promises, or failed to be what they should have been.

Can I have inner peace and still be in touch with my anger?  Of course, yes.  Being in touch with ‘the dark side’ is like visiting an old powerful necessary friend who is part of me, but not all of me.  It’s like plugging myself in to a nuclear reactor and letting that power course through me, washing all the bile clean out of me and onto my paper (or the computer screen).  I can be angry and be aware of my anger, seeing it, feeling it, and at the same time knowing that it is not me.

It’s like my boxing drills where I go in feeling pent-up and mean, I beat up the rubber dummy, and come out feeling elated and peaceful inside.

Who would have thought that expressing anger could lead to inner peace?

Maybe next time I’ll share what I think emotions actually are.

Super Long Blog Alert!

I’ve been journaling a lot lately about the deep-down liberating rage that I’ve mentioned several times on my blog.  I’ve also been asked to explain more about how anger can be a positive thing.  [If you're interested in reading further on this topic, here's an article about Positive Anger and another about the Benefits of Anger.]

This morning as I was trying to think how to frame it all in a way that not only made sense but that answered all the various aspects of the issue that could be raised, especially in light of the book Terri and I are reading by Eckhart Tolle entitled A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, I realized that there’s no way to keep this blog relatively short and succinct and handle the entire issue.  I tried, but failed.

Firstly, there are several concepts still prevalent in Western thinking that are traditional and widely assumed, but that are false.  A couple of examples: the noble savage (aka primitivism) and the newborn being a tabula rasa.  Two false assumptions that are important to this issue are: the existence of spirit (ie, any metaphysical, supernatural entities, analogous to the soul and/or God) and the accompanying idea that these ‘spiritual entities’ hold peace and happiness as their highest aim…. or alternatively, that peace and/or happiness are more ‘spiritual,’ more noble, more salvific, more superior, than other emotional states.

[It is beyond the scope of this blog to explain all the arguments into
why the spiritual or supernatural entities cannot exist.  You can read
more on this topic at The Secular Web Library and in Richard Dawkin's The God Delusion.] 

Now, I have nothing against inner peace or happiness.  I spent years searching for either (or both) and finally found some degree of them for myself, in no small part thanks to many of the sorts of teachings contained in books similar to Tolle’s, many of which Oprah has championed over the years, in addition to the wide and varied readings I’ve done in religion, philosophy, mythology, psychology, science, and more.  Compared to my inner life of 10 years ago, I’m the downright epitome of inner peace.  Compared to back then, I could be the gosh-darned poster child for inner peace and happiness.

And certainly, inner peace and happiness are more pleasant, usually, than the so-called ‘negative’ emotions, such as sadness, envy, anger, jealousy, and the like.  So, they are better in that they are more pleasant for a human to experience.  But they are not better in any sort of cosmic way, in and of themselves.  We do not win any brownie points (or points towards salvation) in this our indifferent, non-conscious universe because we find inner peace, happiness, or because we achieve enlightenment…or “Awareness” (Tolle’s term for these things).   If someone achieves these things, hurray!  Enjoy them.  Wallow in the pleasantness of them.  But don’t think they mean anything. 

When Tolle speaks of our awareness of ourselves as being more true, or our true selves, (and Oprah often uses this expression as well), I want to know how it is they believe that ‘awareness’ is any more true than the parts of me that they point out as false, such as my life story and circumstances, or my hand, or my feelings.  It is, in reality, no more than my mind being aware of itself thinking, but it is still my mind, the functioning of my brain, the gray matter within my skull.  To be aware of one’s self and to recognize that the baggage of the past, the worries of the future, and the labels we put on our surrounding are artificial constructs to some degree, and to realize that we have control over our physical and emotional reactions to life in the present moment… these are all good things.  These are good insights to have.  These are enlightenment. 

But I am still also my memories, my feelings, my body, my hungers, my decisions, and everything else that makes up my physical existence.  Because, in reality, all we truly have IS a physical existence.  That ‘Awareness’ in your mind which feels like an escape from physicality…is merely another physical process.  All states of consciousness (and unconsciousness, btw) are, by necessity, physical processes.  So to say that that ‘awareness’ (the so-called spiritual experience) is true and everything else (ie, the physical) is false, is nonsensical. 

Ok, maybe that was a tangent, but it’s also relavent.  Because part of the implication in the question “How is anger positive?” is that not only is anger negative and better avoided, but that it leads away from the nobler goals of peace and happiness to which we should aspire for the sake of our spirit… for the betterment of our spirit… or because it is more ‘spiritual’ to do so. 

The same people who would have you believe that also hold Jesus up as a teacher of peace.  Without going into a long diatribe about how much bologna that is, I’ll simply give you a few examples of how even Jesus got angry. 

For one, he cursed a helpless, innocent fig tree for not bearing fruit out of season.  That’s not exactly rational.

For another, he had a hissy-fit in the temple and overturned all the money-changer’s tables.  Certainly it was his anger in that incident that led him to make his point.

Finally, many times he became irritated and griped at the apostles for being stupid and short-sighted (often because they couldn’t understand the nonsensical parables that he usually refused to explain).

So, even Jesus got angry and used that energy to further his cause.  I won’t even begin to list all the angry things God does in the OT.  That’s a book in and of itself.  (In fact, that’s the OT!)

I see this has become an extremely long blog today, and if you’re as tired of reading it as I am of writing it, you’ll be happy to know that just now, in this moment, a very true and peaceful and happy me, myself, and I have all three decided to continue it tomorrow.  Until then…. peace.

A couple years ago, I bought a ‘fancy’ purse when I thought I wanted a ‘fancy’ office job.  I like this purse, but I only actually used it once or twice.  It’s a very nice Liz Claiborne bag that I bought new at the mall for about $40 on sale.  But it’s just not my style.

Maybe it’s your style.  I’ve put it on eBay.  Take a look and see what you think.

By the way – I forgot to say below that I did finally get my boxing drills done today – I beat up the rubber dummy but good, by golly.

I feel much better now. 

The other day, I saw a pair of socks in the gym parking lot. They weren’t very exciting, so I didn’t take a photo. Today, I saw this:

How does a guy lose his underwear in the gym parking lot?

But seeing random underwear laying around can’t but remind me of how my son — you know, the one who just got engaged and will turn 21 next month — used to giggle uncontrollably every time he heard the word ‘underwear’ in any context. Just saying the word would make him bust up. It doesn’t work anymore, but I can make him turn pretty red in the face by mentioning it.

Oh, and guess what. My son is an excellent bass guitar player.   Ever since he’s been playing bass, it’s been in the back of my mind to take it up myself and see what I could do with it. So yesterday, he loaned me his old bass (the first one he ever owned – he has like 5-6 guitars now) and helped me by an amp to practice with. It’s fun, although I can’t do more than pick out a couple simple melodies and scales at the moment.

So if you need me, I’ll be down in the bass clef for awhile, in the deep down notes, in the lower-than-low, cooler-than-cool walking bottom rhythms.

I never did get to the gym to beat up the rubber dummy yesterday.  In the morning, I was working on a few creative projects and got carried away and let time slip by.  In the afternoon, I attended the WASH meeting.  I’m their webmaster, so I am sort of obligated to attend the meetings to  take a few photos and write up a synopsis for the website.  Then in the evening, we went out to Fuddruckers to celebrate my son’s engagement to his long-time girlfriend. 

By the time all that was over, it was after dark and I was beat.  I checked my email and went to bed.

Today when I go to the gym, it’ll be for weightlifting with my trainer.  Boxing drills will have to wait until tomorrow.  Dammit.

It has been suggested that my focusing on anger, my deep-down liberating rage, might not be the best thing for my mental health.  On the contrary, I think being in touch with my anger is a step toward mental health.    Ignoring when I’ve been wronged or hurt, suppressing my angry and hurt because showing it might upset someone else, those are the actions that kept me oppressed for too long under a blanket of helplessness, hopelessness, and depression.

I’ve also recently relearned that being in touch with my anger, that burning energy at my core, is what allows me to stop self-censoring and write the books that I want to write and make the art I want to create, all which  comes from that deep churning lava pit that some who believe in such things might call my soul. 

Of course, those people might also believe I’ve given my soul over to the devil.  But this is America, where people have the right to be as stupid as they want to be.

William Gass said, “I write because I hate.  A lot.  Hard. … I wish to make my hatred acceptable because my hatred is much of me, if not the best part.”

Me too.  And if you can relate to this, you may want to join my new blogring:
Angry Writers Unite!

And when I forget my anger, when I ignore it, when I repress it…. I become the living dead.
Dead woman walking.
Dead woman lifting weights.
Dead woman blogging.  Or trying to.

And the living dead… well, zombies… whether living dead or dead dead… they just don’t have much fun, do they?